As anti-LGBTQ+ legislation aimed at demonizing drag performers as "groomers" and pedophiles intensifies, some drag queens are sharing how their art makes them better parents.
When Waylon Werner, 43, and Bradley Bassen, 36, started to date in February 2011, they both made it clear that they wanted to be dads one day.
"We started talking about that first and foremost," Bassen tells TODAY.com. "Then drag happened."
Bassen started performing as Ms. Amanda for various charities in the Chicago area. Werner, inspired by his partner, stepped on the stage as bearded queen Ms. Yuka shortly after.
Three years later, Bassen and Werner got married. That same year, their son was born.
Determined to continue to celebrate all aspects of their identity, Bassen and Werner never kept their drag hobby separate from their parenting. From a young age, their son has known that both dads can rock a pair of heels and a fierce cat eye as well as a pair of sweats and a "Star Wars" T-shirt.
"It was important for us not to give up drag when we became parents," Werner tells TODAY.com. "We can do both."
It was important for us not to give up drag when we became parents. We can do both.”
Waylon Werner, drag performer and proud dad
As their son, 8, has grown up watching his fathers prepare for performances, rehearse plays and host drag queen story hours for children, Werner and Bassen say their child has learned valuable lessons, including authenticity, bravery, creativity and the power of perseverance.
"He sees a lot of our preparation firsthand," Werner says. "We've used that in our parenting, like: 'Hey, remember how long it took me to learn x, y, z?' We already know it's helping, because he sees that hard work is important and that it actually helps us get over roadblocks or knowledge bumps or, for an 8-year-old, that math is hard."
One simple lesson, Werner continues, is perhaps the most important of all:
“If you don’t see joy, create it.”
'Drag queens are, by definition, resourceful'
Now a seasoned parent of eight years, Werner says he often talks about his son on stage because "people are always surprised."
"We're humans, and I think it's important for the audience to see that these adults also have kids and are still here entertaining them and doing what they love," he adds.
That representation certainly made a difference for Courter Simmons, 44, who didn't know if parenthood was a possibility for drag performers.
In 2004, Simmons married his husband. The couple didn't meet their future son until 2014, after the almost 11-year-old spent a decade in the foster care system.
"I was reluctant at first, because I wasn’t sure that I’d be able to provide a stable financial environment," says Simmons, who lives in New York City and works on Broadway while also performing as Cacophony as a hobby. "But being a drag queen is really helpful, because drag queens are, by definition, resourceful."
As a parent, you have to make it up as you go along, and that’s one of the things that drag is all about.”
courter simmons, dad and drag queen
From making wigs with limited resources to foraging around a home for materials to spice up a costume, Simmons says what drag queens do and what parents do is "the same kind of thing."
"We have to teach ourselves, because kids don't come with an instruction manual," he adds. "As a parent, you have to make it up as you go along, and that's one of the things that drag is all about. If you’re performing in a bar for a bunch of people who aren’t necessarily listening, it's like being a parent when your kid isn't necessarily listening. So I’m OK repeating myself to either a crowded bar or to my son."
Despite knowing that his drag identity would help him be a better father, Simmons says he was "absolutely hesitant" to open up about Cacophony — not with his son, but with the foster care system.
"We didn't know how a caseworker would react," he explains. "Before we were certified to become foster parents, we hid most of my drag away. We already feel like we have a strike against us for being a gay couple, so what are they going to think of a drag queen being a parent?"
As of 2021, 27 states prohibit discrimination in adoption based on sexual orientation or gender identity, according to the Movement Advancement Project, a nonprofit think tank focused on equality and inclusivity.
Despite their fears, Simmons says the agency didn't say anything. So, the couple prepared to be prospective adoptive parents and created a family book for any child to get to know their potential future family.
The book included pictures of Cacophony.
"We wanted to make sure that any kid who came to live with us would feel like they had a safe space to just be," Simmons adds.
I hope my son can see that just because, for the moment, the world seems to be stacked against us, we don’t back down.”
courter simmons, aka cacophony
Simmons says his son — who identifies as gay — has learned that "he should be able to express himself in any way that he wants," thanks to Cacophony.
"Kids know what's happening in the world. and they can see that there is more vitriol coming towards drag queens right now — but I haven't stopped," Simmons says. "I hope my son can see that just because, for the moment, the world seems to be stacked against us, we don't back down. I hope he can pick up some of that resourcefulness."
'You can flip something on its head and make it magical'
As drag performances have become more mainstream, many conservative lawmakers have focused their efforts on curbing them and demonizing those who both entertain and attend.
In Texas, Republican State Rep. Bryan Slaton proposed a law that would ban minors from attending drag performances, arguing the legislation is necessary to protect children from “perverted adults.” In November 2022, Tennessee Republican Senate Majority Leader Jack Johnson introduced a bill that would ban public drag performances, claiming those in favor are just "protecting kids and families and parents who want to be able to take their kids to public places."
These bills certainly make Fran Benjamin, 36, "more deliberate about the choices that I make about the environments in which I put myself and my family."
Benjamin, who lives in both the Bay Area and the Midwest, has been a drag performer in some capacity since they were young. Now performing as Belle Bottoms, Benjamin (who is non-binary) has a 2-year-old daughter and is expecting their second child in three weeks.
We have to continue to demonstrate that they’re perfect and loved and that that love is unconditional, even when some people are really misinformed.”
Fran benjamin, aka belle bottoms
"Our daughter is not yet in a developmental stage to understand what's going on in the political sphere, but we'll have to navigate that with both of them," Benjamin says of their children. "We have to continue to demonstrate that they're perfect and loved and that love is unconditional, even when some people are really misinformed."
Like Werner and Bassen, Benjamin says drag has informed their parenting in a way very few things can. As a performer, anything can happen — a costume mix-up, the loss of a dressing room, a last-minute song change — and the ability to adapt confidently helps Benjamin parent confidently too.
"Of all the books we read leading up to parenting, maybe 9% truly applied and were helpful," Benjamin adds.
Instead, lessons Benjamin has learned from drag have guided them and their husband as they teach life lessons to their daughter.
"The simple example is, 'Yes, you can color outside the lines,'" Benjamin explains. "When we go to get clothes, all the clothes are an option. For my daughter, nothing is shut down."
“You can flip something on its head and make it magical," Benjamin adds. "If something is traditionally perceived as 'unconventional' or you're told 'you can't do that,' the answer is: 'Yes, you can.'"
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